THE DEVIL'S LAST TRY (this poem is absolute rambling nonsense - you've been warned)
It's stressful work getting kicked out of hell...
THE DEVIL'S LAST TRY - I went to Hell and back and then back to Hell again. And each time someone cut me slack I found I fell right back in. I was against the idea at first 'cause I didn't like the heat. So, I sent an appeal thru the hallowed halls only to end up in defeat. Apparently I would have been ok as a military veteran warrior. But I found out I made a mistake and used a pro bono lawyer. So I finally came to grips this was where I was meant to be. It was documented in the notarized letter St. Peter sent to me. The place feels like my second home, a nice warm place for winter. But if I had a second choice, it's normally a place I wouldn't enter. 'Cause it ain't got no beaches; ain't never got no good waves; and that landlord Luke working all his tenants well beyond their graves. But it's all I could afford on my troublemaker's pay. I could think of a million other places where I'd rather make my getaway. Like maybe a local pub or even better a strip joint or two. But any place is better than Hell is the point I'm trying to get across to you. Maybe Atlantic City, you know some nice upscale casino. But that makes me think of the Devil's Advocate and Al Pacino. Al Pacino and the Devil, I wonder if they are the same person, cause Al is kinda scary and convincing when he is rehearsin'. Anyway, about my vacation spots, maybe an island getaway. But I wouldn't know which to pick, all the same or so they say. if I could find a kindler gentler Hell that would be just great, cause I did the Devil a favor and I deserved a better fate. I sold him my soul at such a bargain basement price, maybe that's what I get for being too damn nice. My special reserved room is in between Hitler and Hussein. They argue 24/7 and it's like nails to my brain. I petitioned Lucifer and asked for a better location, and said I didn't deserve to be with men of such reputation. The Devil said "give it rest man can't you please give it a breather!" I said "I'll sue your ass!" He replied "good luck!" i guess Hell doesn't like lawyers either. but I just kept raising Hell like the Devil could not believe, Adolf and Saddam were going nuts and asked to be granted a reprieve. I was raising Cain in cell block D, in the major violator's wing, finally the Devil couldn't take no more and gave St. Pete a ring. he said "hey, Pete, it's Luke, I gave this dude a refund on his soul. He's causing too much trouble. This boy is out of control! This boy don't belong down here, I can tell you that, I'm not sure where he belongs but this dude is one psychotic cat! He's raised more hell in 7 days than I did in 7 million years. Please, please just take him, cause he's bringing me to tears!" Up in heaven, at the Pearly Gates, Pete put Luke on hold, he had God laughing with the story that I just told. God said to Pete, "I knew that dude was our man, Cause nobody can pull off a con like that boy can." The devil had tried again, played his cards and lost, And maybe this time around, at an even greater cost. Luke now heads upstate to Boston for a weekly therapy session, then puts on his disguise and stops off at mass for weekly confession. He finally made up his mind, decided to give up the losing battle, contemplated a ranch in Montana, or maybe a grunge band in Seattle. Finally his true calling came, he had to worry no more, but ladies and gentlemen just beware of this {nuisance of choice} coming to your door. - JB, 1AUG2K10
God said to Pete,
"I knew that dude was our man,
Cause nobody can pull off a con
like that boy can."
I bet @Coleman could be the man 😉
That was quite the adventure, John!