THE UNEXPECTED LIGHT
In darkness I find strength, but I also find the compassion of others ...
This grew out of a conversation I had with
who reached out to me last night out of concern over my post about possibly leaving the ‘Stack. First, I want to say thanks to Ken. He showed genuine concern (as did the others listed here) for my well-being. To say I’m grateful is an understatement., who is a very dear friend, put out a call of support. Rod and I talk daily in the world outside the ‘Stack. He’s known of my struggle for years.As a child of neglect, social media triggers my PTSD. Even in the world outside of social media, I struggle with people … those who are supposed to be my closest family and friends ghost me on the regular. It’s frustrating. It’s infuriating. And it’s something I never understand. The “out of sight, out of mind” mentality will never be something that exists in me, thankfully. But the things that happen in childhood often shape us, and some of those emotional scars can be difficult to let go. And that’s where I often find myself when wading through the swamp of social media. Though, one could argue that Substack is a prettier swamp, with friendlier wildlife. 😁
I don’t NEED ... but I WANT.
I want to feel loved and connected. And a lot of times, social media can feel like screaming into the abyss. And when the soul feels that absence, or perceived absence, personal grief and sadness set in. Those can trigger anger for me …
But hey, I’m on anxiety meds which in turn has tempered my anger. 😅
Additionally, I woke up to an email from the amazing
, as well as messages from and . I absolutely adore this group of humans. Their writing and their art inspire me, it makes me feel, it makes me think. Why? Because it’s amazing fucking art. It’s built on emotion. It comes from a place of reflection, understanding, and connection within the human spirit.But that connection with the human spirit is where we all thrive … That shared connection of human understanding.
I found amazing comments of support and concern from many of my favorite people here :
and . I’ve had amazing interactions with all of you through the months, in some form or other. You’ve all supported my struggle through grief, and so many other little aspects of my brief journey here. For that, I’m beyond grateful.But something I said to Ken in my conversation stuck with me …. the people willing to risk the darkness, venture into the abyss, and reach out in a show of care and concern, love and support …
They shine the unexpected light.
I have no doubt that I’m able to rise on my own … I’ve survived the darkness time and time and time and time again.
But those moments of unexpected light are priceless.
We are better humans when we lift each other up.
Much love,
John
THE UNEXPECTED LIGHT - Darkness comes from everywhere Suffering from the suffocation The strangling black Enough, I think, I call the bluff Yet, there's no revocation It closes in, I feel the cold Falling deeper in the abyss There are no walls here And yet absolutely no escape Irrefutably, the calls of fear Crawling deeper into the darkened bliss And so resolutely, defy the rape of my soul This prison that I built I control, division and the guilt These many means to an end These scenes in which I pretend To be weak and without power When there's no doubt These are the moments For which I am made Just a fragment of my finest hour For it's in these darkest moments Where I find the undying strength Dare I find the raging courage Fueling the flames of desire Dueling the demons deep inside At great, undenying lengths But I'm battle tested and I'm full of uncaged fury And I find a heart full of fire Foolish demons can't outlast my pride I'm not scared of the night I've conquered it a 1000x before I'm not scared of the Devil When he comes knocking on my door Because it's in these moments For which I know that I am made I can handle the darkness And though outnumbered, I am unafraid But there are those fleeting moments The undetected things not in sight When another soul steps into the darkness And to my surprise, reaches out a hand And shines their unexpected light - JB, 13SEP2K24
I admire your honesty and transparency, John.
We love you 😘