Thanks, Lois! Just processing I suppose … I tend to just put everything out there at times … Guess it’s easier if you don’t really care what people think. 😅
I can relate to those PTSD triggers. I’m so glad there were people who shined an “unexpected light” for you and I’m sorry I missed that post of yours. I hope you plan on sticking around. I enjoy reading your work :)
John, it takes courage & high sensitivity to open up your heart so transparently. Your article & poem are beautiful. I'm by your side whenever you need to talk to someone about this Life & it's challenges. This is but a passing phase. You are strong. I care! 👍
Thanks, Sammy! Just my childhood PTSD that flares up every now and then …. It’s something I’m working through. Roll with the punches as they say …. I tend to feel life in the extremes at times. And my reactions equally tend to be “all or nothing” … for my defense mechanisms. I guess, if anything, I’m just happy I can recognize my triggers. Happy Sunday, Sir! 🌞🤙🏻
Thank you, John. I don’t know you well but I was attracted by your post on someone else’s note, partly because one of my favorite songs (I put it a few weeks ago in Café 42´s Life, the Universe and Everything playlist) is « There is light here » by Lee Harris. I listen to it whenever I’m in a dark place and that song reminds me the darkness won’t stay and light will come back eventually. When I created my Substack, I thought about it as a colorful cosy Café where people would like to gather and feel confident enough to share their true self. So, if you feel like it, you are very much welcome in Café 42 and I will be glad to chat with you anytime you want to. Lots of love.
I would miss you John. True story. I look forward to reading your poetry and seeing your dolphin deck pics. When I don’t see you in the notes feed I go looking for you. You spark conversation with Adam and me. Sometimes you won’t see the ripples but you definitely make positive ones. Like walking through a rainbow!! Do what is right for you and know that you make the world interesting and I appreciate that!!
This brought a smile … some tears … and a struggle to find the right words. It’s time like these where I don’t feel alone in the world …. I know, I’m not … Just hard not to get lost in a darkening world some days. Even when I’m surrounded at home … And people who have hearts that speak across the websphere …. Connection in the strangest of unexpected places.
There’s a beautiful shine that comes from the unexpected light … different that a normal light. It’s felt, not just seen ……
John, I’m glad our conversation had a positive effect. I’m glad I’m part of that unexpected light. It’s obvious reading over this how fortunate you are to have all of the “light sources” you have mentioned as well as others who have simply commented. I know it’s probably getting old, but I’ll say it one more time - you’re not alone. You said in your reply to Adam, you’ll be talking this over with your therapist. I plan on doing the same on Monday. I’m a little wound up too and it’s time to read a few more posts and a few less notes for a bit, so dialing it back is a pretty good idea - and it seems quite a few are on the same page with that. Life really is good - you take it easy
I look at life as every day is a new classroom - each day, a new lesson to learn. I can find something, use what is useful to make me a better person. If I need to strength, find it in whatever form I need - people, books, quotes, music, exercise, nature. There's plenty of places to find something that moves us in the right direction.
I found your poem beautiful, and your description of the Void is exactly how I feel I experience it--black, limitless, yet I'm trapped in it when I'm there. Thank you for putting your words to it. I feel understanding and understood. I call being in my depression "shaking hands with the dragon" because we're on familiar, intimate terms but it gets me everytime.
I began to realize when I was young that my first language is feeling language but the rest of my family's first language was/is concrete language. I'm much older now, and the awareness of this helps me make sense of why my relationships can be stressful (I was "the sensitive one").
Over the years I meet more people who understand and share "a similar everything". Substack has been a great source for me of "finding my tribe" in many different ways, but I have to step back from it too or I start going down the rabbit hole of depression. Social media is a weird phenomenon, and I am still searching for in-person tribes.
I'm sorry you have been experiencing suffering recently. Thank you for sharing your words about it and creating connection for all of us who read them. I send you support too.
Thanks so much, Darcy! I relate to a lot of what you said. I've long been the overly sensitive one in my family. There's a lot of things that have shaped me into who I've become. And I can't say a lot of them are good. But in a lot of weird ways, they've made me into a good person.
-
Your comment about depression reminds me of a quote by former Navy Seal, Jason Redman : "No man truly knows what he's made of until he goes up and slaps the dragon." You fight your way back through the darkness because you're a warrior! Keep that mentality!
I guess I'm lucky in some ways, I don't deal with depression ... I do let life get me at times, but not to that point. A lot of my sadness comes out in anger. I've been dealing with a lot lately, including grief ... but life ebbs and flows. Have to take the bad with the good .... I've really tried to turn my eyes toward Stoicism. That helps most days.
"Your days are numbers. Use them to throw up the windows of your soul to the sun." - Marcus Aurelius.
I might still… at the very least, I might just need to dial back how active I am. But appreciate it, brother. You're one of the first people I found when I started back on here after a lengthy hiatus.
I completely understand. I get a bit overwhelmed by social media too. It’s been great getting to read your stuff too. Maybe you could just publish your poems and essays and forget about Notes for a while.
Well…. My weird PTSD still screams it's a problem…. Because it's the lack of interaction.
😅
It's frustrating. I like being on here, sharing my writing… my inner child is screaming for the need to be seen. I think it's also on the tail of my grief. It's been a ride.
It may pass. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it Wednesday. 😎
This was a beautiful post and poem! I can relate to what you said about the ghosting. It can be frustrating. I am learning that sometimes when things get too heavy, everybody does not have the emotional capacity to show up for you. Learning that has forced me to have empathy. Now, it doesn't justify their absence, but it is an explanation. I am also learning that people are multifaceted. I am thankful that you have the outlet of social media to express yourself even though it gets overwhelming for you at times. Some of the things you have written reveal the trauma that you have endured. I don't understand every piece but know that I feel your heart. I see you. Your posts have encouraged me to be more open-minded. None of us ever know what people are going through. Shining our light is important to flood out the darkness.
Aww thank you so much! I appreciate that, John! I can relate with the empathetic part. You give and you give, only to not feel like you get the equal reciprocation. You definitely do have to learn to ration yourself out in doses, so you don't feel drained.
I feel like those feelings are due to being an introvert as well. We fuel up from time alone. We need that time to recharge. We will be outside but not all the time. Whereas extroverts thrive off of being social.
As always, Thanks, BC! Truly. Always so thoughtful, understating, and supportive. I'm never not grateful for you or your comments. 🙏🏼🤍✨
I think the biggest struggle I have is that not only am I always there for others, but there's a timeliness to it. I understand the the world doesn't revolve around me, but it's the repeated behavior. I've even adjusted expectations over time. But the biggest thing I've tried to figure out is why it's everyone I've surrounded myself with - people of all different types, treating me with the same behavior.
I'm slowly adjusting what I accept from people too. I'm creating boundaries so to speak. I tend to be a VERY understanding and empathetic person (my wife says I'm too nice.... Lol).... But in recent years, it's troubled me more frequently.
I admire your honesty and transparency, John.
Thanks, Lois! Just processing I suppose … I tend to just put everything out there at times … Guess it’s easier if you don’t really care what people think. 😅
We love you 😘
Keep being a queen, Shareece! You are amazing! 🥹🙏🏼🤍
Beautiful poem John, thank you for sharing a glimpse of the pain of the human condition with us. So glad you found solace among friends.
Thanks, Amy! 🙏🏼🤍
All part of the journey in some way. I think we're all different, but not that much. We can all find comfort in communication and understanding.
I can relate to those PTSD triggers. I’m so glad there were people who shined an “unexpected light” for you and I’m sorry I missed that post of yours. I hope you plan on sticking around. I enjoy reading your work :)
Thanks, Darcy! You're a favorite! You shine light and positivity that is always needed and so welcome! 🙏🏼✨🤍
Awww thank you 😊
John, it takes courage & high sensitivity to open up your heart so transparently. Your article & poem are beautiful. I'm by your side whenever you need to talk to someone about this Life & it's challenges. This is but a passing phase. You are strong. I care! 👍
Thanks, Sammy! Just my childhood PTSD that flares up every now and then …. It’s something I’m working through. Roll with the punches as they say …. I tend to feel life in the extremes at times. And my reactions equally tend to be “all or nothing” … for my defense mechanisms. I guess, if anything, I’m just happy I can recognize my triggers. Happy Sunday, Sir! 🌞🤙🏻
You’re the man, John. Place wouldn’t be the same without you brotha
Truly appreciate that, brother! Thank you. 🌞🙏🏼🤍
Thank you, John. I don’t know you well but I was attracted by your post on someone else’s note, partly because one of my favorite songs (I put it a few weeks ago in Café 42´s Life, the Universe and Everything playlist) is « There is light here » by Lee Harris. I listen to it whenever I’m in a dark place and that song reminds me the darkness won’t stay and light will come back eventually. When I created my Substack, I thought about it as a colorful cosy Café where people would like to gather and feel confident enough to share their true self. So, if you feel like it, you are very much welcome in Café 42 and I will be glad to chat with you anytime you want to. Lots of love.
Geraldine, thanks so much! 🌞🙏🏻🤍
I stopped off at the Café and put my name on the list!
That’s a nicely curated list of songs …. I saw my guy Stevie Winwood - Higher Love is a favorite of mine!
Happy Saturday and thank you so much for your comments of love and support! 😁
I would miss you John. True story. I look forward to reading your poetry and seeing your dolphin deck pics. When I don’t see you in the notes feed I go looking for you. You spark conversation with Adam and me. Sometimes you won’t see the ripples but you definitely make positive ones. Like walking through a rainbow!! Do what is right for you and know that you make the world interesting and I appreciate that!!
This brought a smile … some tears … and a struggle to find the right words. It’s time like these where I don’t feel alone in the world …. I know, I’m not … Just hard not to get lost in a darkening world some days. Even when I’m surrounded at home … And people who have hearts that speak across the websphere …. Connection in the strangest of unexpected places.
There’s a beautiful shine that comes from the unexpected light … different that a normal light. It’s felt, not just seen ……
John, I’m glad our conversation had a positive effect. I’m glad I’m part of that unexpected light. It’s obvious reading over this how fortunate you are to have all of the “light sources” you have mentioned as well as others who have simply commented. I know it’s probably getting old, but I’ll say it one more time - you’re not alone. You said in your reply to Adam, you’ll be talking this over with your therapist. I plan on doing the same on Monday. I’m a little wound up too and it’s time to read a few more posts and a few less notes for a bit, so dialing it back is a pretty good idea - and it seems quite a few are on the same page with that. Life really is good - you take it easy
I look at life as every day is a new classroom - each day, a new lesson to learn. I can find something, use what is useful to make me a better person. If I need to strength, find it in whatever form I need - people, books, quotes, music, exercise, nature. There's plenty of places to find something that moves us in the right direction.
I found your poem beautiful, and your description of the Void is exactly how I feel I experience it--black, limitless, yet I'm trapped in it when I'm there. Thank you for putting your words to it. I feel understanding and understood. I call being in my depression "shaking hands with the dragon" because we're on familiar, intimate terms but it gets me everytime.
I began to realize when I was young that my first language is feeling language but the rest of my family's first language was/is concrete language. I'm much older now, and the awareness of this helps me make sense of why my relationships can be stressful (I was "the sensitive one").
Over the years I meet more people who understand and share "a similar everything". Substack has been a great source for me of "finding my tribe" in many different ways, but I have to step back from it too or I start going down the rabbit hole of depression. Social media is a weird phenomenon, and I am still searching for in-person tribes.
I'm sorry you have been experiencing suffering recently. Thank you for sharing your words about it and creating connection for all of us who read them. I send you support too.
Thanks so much, Darcy! I relate to a lot of what you said. I've long been the overly sensitive one in my family. There's a lot of things that have shaped me into who I've become. And I can't say a lot of them are good. But in a lot of weird ways, they've made me into a good person.
-
Your comment about depression reminds me of a quote by former Navy Seal, Jason Redman : "No man truly knows what he's made of until he goes up and slaps the dragon." You fight your way back through the darkness because you're a warrior! Keep that mentality!
I guess I'm lucky in some ways, I don't deal with depression ... I do let life get me at times, but not to that point. A lot of my sadness comes out in anger. I've been dealing with a lot lately, including grief ... but life ebbs and flows. Have to take the bad with the good .... I've really tried to turn my eyes toward Stoicism. That helps most days.
"Your days are numbers. Use them to throw up the windows of your soul to the sun." - Marcus Aurelius.
I'm so glad you're back, John! You have a home here ❤️
I may just dial back my time. ❤️🙏🏼😊
Good idea! I need to so the same
For some reason I read your Note as just “I’m quitting Substack” like I did on Twitter. 😆😬 Glad you’re staying!!
I might still… at the very least, I might just need to dial back how active I am. But appreciate it, brother. You're one of the first people I found when I started back on here after a lengthy hiatus.
I completely understand. I get a bit overwhelmed by social media too. It’s been great getting to read your stuff too. Maybe you could just publish your poems and essays and forget about Notes for a while.
Well…. My weird PTSD still screams it's a problem…. Because it's the lack of interaction.
😅
It's frustrating. I like being on here, sharing my writing… my inner child is screaming for the need to be seen. I think it's also on the tail of my grief. It's been a ride.
It may pass. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it Wednesday. 😎
Friends help friends. Period. I’m glad everyone’s kindness and concern touched you, bro.
That's something I've tried to explain to my friends and family…. I only speak English. Maybe I need to try different languages.
“Hey, Google translate…. “
😂
😂😂
Though, I'd prob be a dick and say "idiot proof this for me into one syllable words." 🤣
This was a beautiful post and poem! I can relate to what you said about the ghosting. It can be frustrating. I am learning that sometimes when things get too heavy, everybody does not have the emotional capacity to show up for you. Learning that has forced me to have empathy. Now, it doesn't justify their absence, but it is an explanation. I am also learning that people are multifaceted. I am thankful that you have the outlet of social media to express yourself even though it gets overwhelming for you at times. Some of the things you have written reveal the trauma that you have endured. I don't understand every piece but know that I feel your heart. I see you. Your posts have encouraged me to be more open-minded. None of us ever know what people are going through. Shining our light is important to flood out the darkness.
And I finally saw on your page that your name is Amber! I will work on remembering that! 😁
(and i thought I had subscribed/recommended in the past. So, I subbed/rec'd).
Aww thank you so much! I appreciate that, John! I can relate with the empathetic part. You give and you give, only to not feel like you get the equal reciprocation. You definitely do have to learn to ration yourself out in doses, so you don't feel drained.
You nailed it, almost word for word, what I said to my wife the other night.
I feel like those feelings are due to being an introvert as well. We fuel up from time alone. We need that time to recharge. We will be outside but not all the time. Whereas extroverts thrive off of being social.
I'm an ambivert. But definitely more intro than extro. If I can pick and choose who and how many, I'm okay.... For a while.
😂
Yes. You have to be selective to protect your peace.
As always, Thanks, BC! Truly. Always so thoughtful, understating, and supportive. I'm never not grateful for you or your comments. 🙏🏼🤍✨
I think the biggest struggle I have is that not only am I always there for others, but there's a timeliness to it. I understand the the world doesn't revolve around me, but it's the repeated behavior. I've even adjusted expectations over time. But the biggest thing I've tried to figure out is why it's everyone I've surrounded myself with - people of all different types, treating me with the same behavior.
I'm slowly adjusting what I accept from people too. I'm creating boundaries so to speak. I tend to be a VERY understanding and empathetic person (my wife says I'm too nice.... Lol).... But in recent years, it's troubled me more frequently.